I am not taking on new clients at the moment; couples or individuals, and the waiting list is also full. I will remove this notice when there is renewed availability. Please visit the *British EFT Centre* for a listing of other EFT therapists.

 

Your relationship is in trouble. If you could stop the arguments.  If you could stop the shutting down and withdrawing.  If you could reconnect and feel loved, loving, and safe again…

 

If you’ve come to this page, chances are that you feel like your relationship is in trouble. There’s a good chance too that you don’t want your relationship to end.

There are ways to stop the downward spirals and build back trust and love for one another. There are ways to understand each other and reconnect. There are ways to connect deeply, even for the first time.

Effective relationship counselling can help you explore, repair,  understand, and deepen your relationship.

I work with a relationship counselling approach called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It has an average success rate in bringing relationships back from crisis of 75%(1). This is a much higher rate than general relationship counselling, which has been variously reported to be anywhere from 30-50%.

There are lots of resources on the Web which give details on this approach but put simply, it focuses on our need as human beings to feel safe and secure. The positive effects of EFT are long-lasting. What you learn in EFT, you will take forward with you into the rest of your life.

Is relationship counselling right for us?

There’s been lots of research over the years on when engaging in couples therapy is most likely and unlikely to be helpful2. Here’s the summary of when it’s more likely to be helpful:

  • The partners want to prevent a downward spiral of difficulties/arguments and to strengthen their bonds.
  • The partners are both trying to improve the relationship.
  • A partner with negative past experiences or previous failed relationships wants to avoid repeating mistakes in their current relationship.
  • The partners want mutual support or help with solving or exploring some specific problems.
  • The partners want an amicable discussion before making a final decision about separation or divorce.
  • The partners have decided to divorce but mutually want to improve their relationship in the context of co-parenting.

And the not-so-likely to be helpful situations:

  • There is active physical/sexual abuse or high risk of this. (Emotional abuse is also a contra-indication but as many relationship crises can feel like they involve emotional abuse, one has to be cautious in using this term.)
  • There is a serious active and unmanaged psychological issue for one or both of the partners.
  • A partner is engaged in an intimate relationship with a third party which has not been sanctioned by the primary partner and which they will not end for the sake of the primary relationship.
  • One or both of the partners has definitely decided to separate or divorce.

Some Practical things

It can feel daunting arranging to see a counsellor, especially with your partner. Will the therapist take sides? Will they really understand how you feel? Will your partner manipulate or dominate the sessions? Will they withdraw and not engage in it at all? Will they be honest?

I offer a safe and impartial place for you and I will guide and manage you through a fair and compassionate exploration.

The first session is with both of you, and we will start to understand what is going on and what each of you would like from counselling. Sessions last for an hour and I see clients in Central London and on Zoom.

Please contact me to discuss your relationship situation and possibilities for next steps: lucien@lucienstanfield.com

I am UKCP Registered, a member of ICEEFT and BEFT, and my credentials are verified by Psychology Today. You can read more about me here.

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1: Johnson, S., & Hunsley, J., & Greenberg, L., & Schindler, D. (1999). Emotionally focused couples’ therapy: status and challenges. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, V6 N1, 70-73 Citation 2: Wolska, M. (2011). Marital Therapy/Couples Therapy: Indications and Contraindications. Archives of Psychiatry & Psychotherapy; September 2011, Vol. 13 Issue 3, p. 57.[/vc_column_text][/vc_column][/vc_row]