Most of us want to feel safe and secure in our primary relationship.
We want to know that our partner is there when we need them and that we are loved and cared for, no matter what…
Sometimes an incident in a relationship can trigger a feeling in us which makes us feel like everything is threatened. We feel unsafe and insecure. It might or might not seem like a huge thing to other people. It is certainly important to you.
Here are some examples of triggers. We all have different triggers, so these may be very different to your own:
- Your partner, without mentioning it beforehand, meets up with an ex-lover for lunch.
- Your partner didn’t get around to cleaning the house.
- Your partner spent a lot of money on something (a gadget, clothing, gambling, etc).
Triggers are called triggers because they trigger us to feel and react from a place of insecurity, fear, and anger. These are very emotionally charged and will result in a response from the partner, usually both defensive and aggressive. The couple has now started a downward spiral – a dance.
What if we could stop it from happening in the first place?
Is Emotionally Focused Therapy right for you and what should you look for in an EFT therapist? See this article from Psychology Today